It's hard to be President!

This blogging is a bit more difficult than I originally thought--and I mean that in the nicest way. Since I am the Common Sense Oracle, I'd like to start by offering some unsolicited advice to some 'celebrities.' 1. Katie Couric: Please try to remember that you are a newsreader, not the news. I am unsure if anyone really cares what you think now that you are on CBS (or if they actually cared while you were on the Today Show). Your job is to read the news, clearly and without spin. Please don't try to explain it. Just read the words. 2. Lindsay Lohan: Please understand that your fame may be limited. If you want to work as an 'actress,' it might be best if you tried a little harder on the professional front. I understand that you received a missive from your boss on this very subject not long ago. Pay heed. Firecrotch aside, it's hard to gauge your true level of talent and staying power without further evidence. 3. Oprah: Please. Stop it with the weight. You will never, ever have a body like Jennifer Anniston. It is simply not going to happen. Find a number that is realistic and go with it. Exercise, but stop denying yourself and making yourself feel so guilty when you eat what you want. I think that you are a bit like the Emperor in the story of the new clothes. You are so powerful and popular that it seems people are afraid to tell you the truth. (I find this so ironic because you have built a career on being someone that everyone can relate to.) If you worked toward accepting yourself as you are--and put to rest all of your weight demons--you would go miles in helping other women help themselves as well. Be what and who you are; enjoy life and that includes fried chicken and mashed potatoes. 4. Heather Mills: Poor one-legged Heather. This divorce thing with you and Paul is just grim. Can't you just pick an amount and sort it out? I doubt that he won't provide for you and the baby. And really, in the big picture, you don't deserve a giant portion of his squillion pound fortune. After all, it's not like you worked to put him through pop music school and he left you once he became famous. Take enough to be comfortable and walk away with a shred of dignity. Oh, and don't be mean to the Help.